Amanda’s Testimony: How Suffering and Trials Brought Me Peace : Samburu of Kenya

Amanda’s Testimony: How Suffering and Trials Brought Me Peace

Posted on February 28, 2007 - Filed Under Praises | Leave a Comment

Dear Friends and Family,
You have prayed for us so faithfully. I want you to know about
just one of the ways God has been working. Those of you who know me
know that I am a “fixer” by nature. If a problem arises in my life or
in the lives of others, my first response is to try to fix it! So, in
God’s severe mercy (I love that phrase), He has allowed numerous
trials to come into our lives that I have no control over, and simply
cannot fix. “Okay”, I thought, “I will simply cry out more to the
Lord and strive to believe harder that He will fix everything. That’s
what faith is, isn’t it?” And His answer was a resounding “NO!” My
reaction to his “no” was one of anger, bitterness, and
disillusionment. Some of you saw me at this lowest point. Part of me
is ashamed. Yet, God used this time mightily in my life to show me
the ugliness of who I am in my flesh, and how much I need the Savior!
My “whys” to the Lord simply uncovered the stronghold of pride in my
life, that somehow God’s will and ways should fit into MY “logical”
scheme of things. He has uncovered lies that I have believed about
who God is and how He works. He has shown me that true faith is
honestly crying out my desires to the Lord, but then RESTING in Him,
desiring to really draw near to Him and bask in His presence and love
and sovereignty—desiring this MORE than I desire for Him to deliver
me OUT OF the trial! Oh, my friends, THIS is where peace lies!!!!
During the latest trial, the breast cancer scare, I experienced this
peace for the first time in my 44 years. Of course, I prayed that the
biopsy would be benign. But I can truly say that, by God’s grace, I
had a deep-seated peace that, no matter the biopsy results, He would
be working for my ultimate good (our fleshly definition of good is so
different from His!) and for His glory. Learning to rest in Him,
cherishing my relationship with Him more than any other thing in my
life, is the source of His peace that passes all understanding. Oh,
how I wish I’d learned this sooner! I would not trade a single thing
we’ve gone through for this priceless truth! “Surely I have composed
and quieted my soul like a weaned child rests against his mother.”
Psalm 131:2 As a parent, you know how a baby is when you first try
to wean him from breastfeeding—when mama holds him, he just nuzzles
her feverishly, knowing that milk is so close, yet she will not give
it to him: there is no rest. That is how I was with God. I knew He
was able to fix everything, yet I could not understand why He chose
not to: I had no rest. Yet, as the Lord worked in my life, replacing
the lies I had believed with His Truth, I was able to see that His
greatest desire was for me to draw near to Him, knowing He has been
and will always be faithful, and rest against Him as that weaned
child learns to do, just enjoying mama’s presence and not striving to
get the “goodies”! Yes, sometimes He delivers us OUT OF our trials,
but His real promise is to be with us THROUGH the trials! Here is
the “life verse” the Lord has given me. Psalm 131 so aptly describes
the journey the Lord has brought me on these last few years: “O
Lord, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty; Nor do I involve
myself in great matters, or in things too difficult for me. Surely I
have composed and quieted my soul like a weaned child rests against
his mother. My soul is like a weaned child within me. O Israel,
hope in the Lord from this time forth and forever.” Amen and Amen!
There’s so much more I’d like to share, but I will trust the Lord to
bring those opportunities in His timing, perhaps one on one. I thank
the Lord that He is eagerly waiting for EACH of us to “rest against”
Him. His peace is within your reach, the distance it takes to grab
onto His outstretched hand and walk WITH Him, resting in Him, instead
of striving like I have done for so many years. Praise Him for His
grace and mercy!